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WHAT'S YOUR SOUTHERN SIGN? Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the People who read them. If we are to ever fully understand all the star Signs and the people they represent, we need symbols that all true Southerners understand: See the list below... OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Are tough on the outside but tender on the Inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back Over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. You can do Something good each day if you try. CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A Chitlin, however, will make something of himself if he is motivated and Has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful they may Surprise you. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20) You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to Bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very Intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. You love to stay Busy and tend to work too much. Nobody in their right mind is going to Marry you, so don't worry about it. MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20) You're the type that spends a lot of Time on the front porch. A cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry Anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going To be easy. You always have a big smile and are happy. This might be the Year to think about aerobics. Maybe not. POSSUM (April 21 - May 21) When confronted with life's difficulties, Possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a Don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, People actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not Psychologically healthy but seems to work for you. You are a rare breed. Most folks love to watch you work and play. You are a night person and Mind your own business. CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in An office, you're hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the Beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub to The living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, But you have very, very good heads. COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the melting pot of life and share their essence with The essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, Psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, If you are Collards, stay away from Crawfish. It just won't work. Save Yourself a lot of heartache. CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) Catfish are traditionalists in matters of The heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You Catfish are never easy people to understand. You run fast. You work And play hard. Even though you prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear Surface of life, you are liked by most. Above all else, Catfish should Stay away from Moon Pies. GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Your highest aim is to be with others like Yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a Club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy, bacon, Butter, or eggs and a good time. If you can go somewhere where they have All these things, that serves you well. You are pure in heart. BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) You have a passionate desire to help Your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best, your friends And loved ones, may find that your personality is much too salty, and Their criticism will affect you deeply because you are really much Softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you Want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road Of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for You. BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) Always invite a Butter Bean to a party Because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel at Home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, You, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies. ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle and kind inside. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but a Possum is another somewhat kinky mating possibility. |
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Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, > marriage, and values. Dick said, "I didn't sleep > with my wife before we got married, Did you? > "Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her > maiden name?" > --------------------- > A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, > where did my intelligence come from?" > The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it > from your mother, 'cause I still have mine." > --------------------- > " Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very > carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And > I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," > "That's very fair, your honor," the husband > said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her > a few bucks myself." > --------------------- > A d octor examining a woman who had been rushed to the > Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, "I > don't like the looks of your wife at all." > "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But > she's a great cook and really good with the kids". > --------------------- > An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a > curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. > The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me > the exact words that were used to put the curse on > you". > The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce > you man and wife." > --------------------- > Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder. > 1. The DNA all matches. > 2. There are no dental records. > --------------------- |
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> A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell > me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New > York C ity ?" > The ag e nt replies, "Just a minute.." > "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up. > -- ------------------- > Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of > Juan Gonzalez. > "How was he killed?" asked one detective. > "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. > "A golf gun?! > What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it > sure made a hole in Juan." > --------------------- > Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion." > Joe: "Really?" > Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe > in hell." > --------------------- > A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse > appears and asks him how he is feeling. > "I'm O. K. but I didn't like the > four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he > answered. > "What did he say?" asked the nurse. > "OOPS!" > --------------------- > While sh op ping for vacation clothes, my husband and I > passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten > years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a > bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice. > "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get > a bikini or an all-in-one?" > "Better get a bikini," he replied. > "You'd never get it all in one." > He's still in intensive care. |